In His Shadow
by Mrs Mark Evans
Summary: SiriusOC Romance! Love! Snogging! Sirius Falls for this girl. This girl has a past. One that she wants to hide...
1. Sirius

Chapter 1 : Sirius

SIRIUS

It was barely seven o' clock in the morning, but Mrs. Potter's face was already hanging over me, trying to wake James and I. "Hurry or we'll miss the train, Sirius, James, lets go." she said sweetly.

I rolled over, grumbling, and aided her in waking James. She had been so kind to me since I moved in here. I left my wretched mum and I have not once regretted it since I've come here. "I'll wake him, Mrs. P. We'll be down shortly."

"Thanks, Sirius. I'll start breakfast." With a smile, Mrs. Potter glided out of the room.

I sat up, rubbed my eyes, and stood up. I walked over to James' bed and shoved him off. "Your mum says get up," I said over James' cry of shock.

"What'd you do that for?" moaned James, rubbing his elbow that he had landed on, "I was up."

I decided to ignore him and started getting dressed. I was using James's clothes for the time being since I didn't think to take some with me from home when I left. All I brought was my wand and my school trunk. I knew mum would burn it if I'd left it, and I have no money to buy all new things. I had never thought to pack clothes.

"Throw me something," grumbled James through his pillow. He had gotten back into his bed and was lying face-down under the covers.

I grabbed the first things to touch my hands and threw them over at James. The shirt and pants landed right on top of James and he groaned. James was never a morning person. Grinning broadly, I pulled on a shirt and headed downstairs, slamming the door on the way out. Following the door, I heard a crash that could only have been James tumbling out of bed for the second time this morning.

The kitchen was filled with the smell of what was likely to be the best breakfast I will ever eat. Mrs. Potter was bustling about, going from the stove to the cupboard, to the sink. She noticed that I walked in and smiled.

"Where's James?" she asked.

"He'll be down soon, he just isn't as quick as I am when it comes to breakfast."

"Too true," she replied as she returned to her cooking.

James walked down a few minutes later, ruffling his hair and yawning widely. He walked over and kissed his mum on the cheek. Mrs. Potter served us breakfast and we all ate together. Everyone except Mr. Potter, of course. He had gone to work long before any of us woke. He works for the Department of Mysteries. No one knows for sure what he does, not even Mrs. Potter.

The Breakfast was the best I'd ever eaten. No doubt about it. Mrs. Potter cleared the table and urged James and I to finish our packing and bring our stuff downstairs. We shuffled upstairs to James' room to collect everything that had been scattered around over the summer holidays. "So, Prongs, are you excited about returning to school? You haven't seen Evans in months. You think she got prettier?" I teased.

James didn't see the humor and just replied, "No doubt."

"Hey, Prongs, if I ever get this head-over-heels for a girl, you can hit me."

"If you ever? What about Sandra? She was all you could talk about while you were courting her, and Grace? Oh, God, I thought I'd hear about her 'lovely curves' for the rest of my life! Oh, and what about--"

"Yes, James," I cut him off, "I get it, but I was courting them, Evans won't even talk to you, and most of the time, if you get close to her, she hexes you." I always loved watching him try and talk to Lily; he can't help but make a fool

of himself.

James opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it again, a defeated look on his face. We packed our trunks in near silence for another five minutes. When we were both done, we helped each other heave our trunks down and placed them near the front door. Mrs. Potter came in, dashing here and there. "It's nearly time to go, are you boys all ready?"

I gave a slight grunt of acknowledgement and glanced around the room for anything I might have forgotten to pack up.

"Oh, James, I wish you would do something about your hair," Mrs. Potter said, trying to get at it.

James just shrugged and dodged her hand. He liked it messy. "Blame Dad," he said, picking up his trunk and carrying it to the car. I followed and shoved my trunk in as well. James and I clambered into the car. Mrs. Potter climbed into the front seat and started the car.

We were silent the whole ride. There was no way that James and I could talk about anything i interesting /i while Mrs. Potter was in the front seat. When we arrived at King's Cross station, Mrs. Potter walked us over to the barrier between platforms nine and ten.

"Now, boys, don't get into too much trouble this year. I bet Filch has boxes full of crimes you've committed at school." Mrs. Potter said, Hugging James and I goodbye.

Little did Mrs. Potter know that she was right. I've seen the boxes. They're Filch's pride and joy. James and I gave each other a smirk. We walked over to the barrier and casually leaned against the wall, falling through as we did so. The platform was as crowded as ever, filled with parents and students carrying their pets. I scanned the crowd for Remus and Peter, but I couldn't see them. James and I decided to get on the train and find seats. Peter and Remus can find us when they get on. Since we were early on the train, nearly every compartment was empty. We could sit anywhere we wanted.

"Should we head to the back?" asked James. I nodded and we kept walking. We passed a compartment full of girls. Among them was Lily Evans. I started to panic. If James saw her, we'd end up sitting across from them. I was not in the mood to fix James up after he was hexed. I tried to hurry James along, but it was too late, He caught Lily's eye. Why, oh why, did he have to love a girl with bright red hair?

"So, Evans," James said, taking on his 'I'm a lot cooler than you think I am' voice, "I haven't seen you in months, did you change your-" James started, but Lily cut him off.

"You are so relentless! No! I will not go out with you, you pompous git! Now get out of my compartment before I hex you."

' i _Nicely done, Evans,' /i _I thought. She's getting better at shutting him up. I can't even do that yet.

James looked stunned for a moment. He was obviously not expecting to be interrupted, because he now looked like he was trying to remember what he was planning on saying next. Apparently, all he could come up with was an inquisitive look and asking, rather pathetically, "Are you sure?"

i _'Oh, real clever, Prongs. Brightest crayon in the box, you are.'_ /i I couldn't help but smile. A few of the girls in Lily's compartment giggled. I wasn't sure whether it was at me or at James' remark, but I waved all the same. One of the girls threw me a look that told me that they were laughing at James. ' i _Ouch, I'm never waving at giggling girls again…_' /i 

Lily slowly stood, reaching into her robes for her wand. "Are you going to leave, or not?" she said. She looked as if she was hoping we wouldn't.

"James! Sirius! How have you—oh, hi Lily." It was Remus. He was looking pretty good, despite a few new bumps and bruises.

"Hi Remus, I was just telling your friends here to leave me alone. Care to help?"

Moony rolled his eyes and pushed James forward, giving the girls a wave goodbye.

James looked sad and said, "How about that compartment there?" pointing to the one directly across from Lily's.

Moony, once again, rolled his eyes and moved James forward. We spent too much time talking to Lily, and by now, there were no empty compartments. The closet to empty that we could get was a compartment that had just one girl, who was staring intently out the window, deep in thought. I cleared my throat. She jumped a little and looked up. She had been crying. Her cheeks were soaked in tears and her eyes were red and puffy.

"Oh, did you want to sit here? I'll leave then, there are plenty more compartments…" she said, the sorrow not fully out of her voice.

Before I could say anything, she was wiping her face and quickly clearing out. She was half way down the hall before it hit me that I should say something. "You don't have to go!" I shouted after her, but she was moving quickly along the hall, and had apparently not heard me. I pulled my head back inside and sat down. James and Remus were having a heated conversation that I had missed the beginning of.

"I am not crazy, Remus! You're just jealous!"

"James, I don't get you. You can have any girl in the school, but you decide that you like the only one that won't have you. You've been chasing her for three years, why don't you give up?"

We've had this conversation way too many times before. It's no longer interests me. James can find his own way out of this one. Actually, I'm getting quite tired of his constant talk about Evans. I spot Peter huddled in the corner. He always hated it when people shouted, even if it wasn't at him.

"Could we not discuss this now? I think Wormtail's gonna faint if you two keep it up," I shot at them. Where did all this sudden bitterness come from? I could have any girl in the school as well; and I usually got them too. That made me smirk.

"What makes you so giddy, Padfoot?" moaned James. He obviously was not in a very good mood.

That caught me by surprise. I ought to remember not to zone out in front of this gang. "Nothing. Anyone up for a game of wizard's chess?"

"Sure, I'm white," said James, forgetting his bad mood and ignoring the fact that didn't answer his question.

"Well, white goes first, and then, we play."

"Whoa, Deja-vous…" James and Remus muttered at the same time. That did seem oddly familiar as I was saying it…

A/N: Please Read and Review!


	2. April

Chapter 2 : April

APRIL

Why does this always happen to me! I hate it when people see me cry. I can't believe that just happened. The train has been moving for nearly a half an hour. What are the chances of four boys walking in looking for a compartment? Slim to none. That's just my luck. As soon as the first tears feel, they walked in. Why couldn't they have walked in three minutes earlier? At least then I wouldn't have been crying.

Now I need to find a new compartment. I had the only empty compartment. I was actually looking forward to the whole room to myself. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. After five minutes I found a compartment with a bunch of Ravenclaw girls in my year. They were whispering and giggling when I walked in. They were the queens of gossip, this group of girls. I called them the runners because they were always running their mouths about something. Claire was the head of the pack. She was gorgeous. I've always been jealous of her. Then there was Janie. She was Nice enough. I've only said three words to her in my whole life, but she was the only one who didn't laugh at me when the rest of the runners did. The last girl is Reilly. She's nearly as bad Claire is. I wish there was a better compartment to sit in. I hope that they just ignore me. If there was any other compartments, believe me, I'd be in that one rather than with the Runners. I sit down, hoping with all my heart that the girls can't tell that I've been crying again.

"Hey, December," Claire starts.

i 'Oh, how original,' /i I think to myself, giving the smallest of smirks. The smirk disappeared as soon as Claire spoke again though.

"Do you mind? We were talking, and we can't continue if you're here." As Claire said this to me, Janie was beginning to look uneasy.

"Why is that? I'm sure I don't know whoever you were talking about."

Claire and Reilly looked at each other in a way that told me they had been whispering about me. I'm used to it. I do live with them at school, after all.

"Well," said Claire, "I think I'm going to go find the trolley. Are you coming girls?"

Janie and Reilly got up and the runners walked out of the compartment. I can't believe I had a compartment all to myself again! I suppose I'm not as unlucky as I thought I was. I pulled out a book to prevent myself from crying again. I couldn't concentrate on my book though. I looked up and glanced out the window.

I sat gazing out of the compartment window for quite a while. It was a slightly dreary day; the promise of rain was in the dark clouds. I was deep in thought, again. At least his time, it wasn't about my parents or their deaths. That's what I had been crying about earlier. I wish I could learn to block the thoughts of my parents. This time, I was thinking about the four boys that had come into my compartment earlier. They were all rather good looking. One looked a little beat up, but good looking all the same. Then there was the mischievous looking pair. I recognized them from around school. Filch had it out for them. One was thin and tall. His jet black hair fell into his eyes, with high cheekbones. I think the other boy was Chaser for the Quidditch team. I forget what house he's in. The fourth looked just as pathetic as I must look now. He was small boy with a mousy look to him.

I was jerked out of my thoughts with the train slowing down. Looking out my window, I saw it had begun to rain, and the students were slowly filing off the train. Slowly, I rose from my seat, grabbed my cat, Abby, and made my way for the carriages.

I quickly found a carriage of my own. Once I was in a carriage, it wasn't very likely anyone would join me. There are only a few people that talk to me. ' i I used to talk to Caden…' /i I thought. Why, oh why, did I have to think about him! Haven't I learned my lesson? Apparently not.

With a crack of thunder, the sky let loose and it started to pour. There were many squeals heard on all sides of my carriage; coming from girls who were not looking forward to getting wet. Suddenly there was a mad dash to get to the nearest carriage. All of my hopes of having a carriage to myself were shattered.

I was hoping for maybe a few second years that had no clue what was going on, but no. To my horror, the same four boys that barged into my compartment earlier were now clambering into my carriage. Will I always be sitting alone when they see me? Most likely.

They were all grinning broadly and the boy who looked ill was saying, "Oh, her name was…"

He never finished whatever he was saying though because he realized that they weren't all alone in the carriage.

"C'mon, Remus! Who—" said the black-haired boy.

' i Note to self, /i ' I thought, ' i The ill-looking boy is Remus. One down, three to go.' I have a feeling that I'll be running into these four all year. Twice in one day is no coincidence. I hope that I'm not the girl they were talking about.

Remus elbowed the boy in the ribs. "James," Remus hissed, trying to shut him up. Great, they were talking about me.

"Oh," said James, looking at me. He put his hands out in front of him as if to stop something that was coming at him. "Don't leave, you were here first. We'll go. We're already wet anyway."

"You don't have to leave any more than I do. There's room for us all," I mumble, secretly wishing they would leave, but knowing that they wouldn't.

The four sit down on the other side of the carriage and I pull out my book. I open to the page I marked and start to read. I'm not really paying attention to my book though. I keep glancing up at the four boys sitting across from me. They're happily talking about pranks they're going to pull this year. I get the Idea that James is the mastermind of all of their mischief. Well, he and the other boy with black hair. I discover his name is Sirius. The quiet boy is called Peter. Once or twice, I caught Peter glancing at me. Sirius sees Peter looking at me and throws him a knowing look.

"Peter, it's not polite to stare!" he taunts. This shows me exactly where peter is in this group. He's the admirer. They keep him around to have someone laughing at their jokes. Peter goes red and shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"I'm sorry, Peter just thinks you're pretty, don't you, Peter? He told us so on the train." Instantly, I'm not too fond of this Sirius kid. Why treat one of your friends that way? "I didn't catch your name," Sirius inquired.

I'm reluctant. I hate my name, and I'm not sure I want Sirius to know it. I decide to ignore him, but can't help but look up at him.

"April, isn't it?"

My head snaps towards Remus. Why does he know my name? These boys are a year older than me and not even people in my own year know my name. I just nod.

James prods Peter with his elbow. "That's a pretty name, don't you think, Peter?"

I sink a little lower in my seat, raising my book to block my face. Abby senses that I'm uncomfortable and hops into my lap, purring. Luckily, the carriage is slowing and I don't have to listen to the boys' taunting much longer. I grab my things and Abby, hopping out of the carriage before it even stops completely.

I blend in with the rest of the crowd that is quickly moving into the dry castle. At least it's warm in there. We all file into the Great Hall for the Sorting Ceremony. I take a seat next to Rachel, a third year in my house that I talk to sometimes. She greets me warmly and inquires about my summer. We could be great friends, but the age difference makes it so that we don't have much time together. Rachel is quiet too. We're not close enough to talk about our secrets. I'm sure she has some too. I wish I did have someone to talk to, but for now, I just find an escape in my reading. It works pretty nicely too, but one can't read all the time.

The feast is fantastic, as usual, and once we're finished, everyone heads up to their Common Rooms to remember the feel of their warm beds. I walk to the Common Room with Rachel. I listen as she tells me of her fantastic summer. I wish my summer was nearly as good as hers. All I did over the break was sit at home. I can't go anywhere without Leah, but she's never home, so what else do I have to do but stay home? Leah is my Godmother. She took me in after my mother died. I am eternally grateful to her, but she's never home. She works in the Department of Mysteries, leading a quiet and secret life. She has her secrets, and I have mine. We respect each others' privacy, and I like it that way. I do wish she was there for me more often though.

When we arrive in the Common Room, the fire is lit and the room is warm and welcoming. The Common Room is decorated in blue and silver, but why wouldn't it be? They are, after all, our house colors. I bid Rachel a good night and head to my dormitory. The beds are made and the lamps are lit. It's quiet; the runners haven't shown up yet. My trunk is sitting at the end of my neatly made bed. I must admit, I was looking forward to sleeping in this comfortable bed again.

I quickly changed into my pyjamas and tucked myself into the welcoming blankets. I reached across to my nightstand where my book sat. Opening my book, I began to read, forgetting all the thoughts that ran through my head today. I forgot the runners, I forgot my parents, and I forgot the four boys that walked in on my sorrows.

I read:

i _That boy, he intrigued Sarah in a way that she could not describe. He seemed shy, but when he talked, his voice just seemed to flow, almost like music…_ /i 

I wonder if this ever happens in real life. Will there actually ever be an amazing character that just intrigues you. I want that for me. I want to be swept off my feet. People have to get characters from somewhere. This boy must exist somewhere, and I will find him. My eyes suddenly feel heavy and I can feel the gentle tug of sleep. With my book still open in my lap, my thoughts fade into the blackness that can only be sleep. I can only hope that tonight's sleep will be a peaceful one. A sleep that is not plagued with the nightmares of my past.

A/N: Please review! No need to read! Thanks loads to my AMAZING Co-author, AurorGirl101.


	3. Do I recall

Chapter 3 : Do I Recall…

APRIL

i _There is a small girl sitting on a kitchen floor, happily playing with her dolls. She seems familiar, but I'm not sure where I've seen her before. I want to move to her, play with her and her dolls, but as I try to move, I find my feet a glued in place. They don't want me to move. So I just stand and watch. _

_I can't shake the feeling that I've been here before, but I don't ever remember being here. There is a noise from through a door to my right. There is a loud thud as a tall man shoves through the door. He stops in the doorway and turns around unexpectedly. He raises one hand as if pointing at something, but I can't see clearly from where I'm standing. _

_I glance at the girl briefly. She is no longer playing with her dolls, but sitting and watching as if this type of thing happens all too often for her to be startled anymore. The man begins to talk and I pull my attention back to him. _

"_You'll do as I say!" he growls in a quiet voice, and he's obviously mad. _

"_You can't keep doing this! It's no good!" This was the voice of a boy. He would be about my age now. He, too, is speaking in a harsh whisper. _

"_And what do you think is good?" the man shoots at the boy, a mocking tone in his voice. The boy hesitates._

"_Not this, you're hurting them both. This isn't good for them, for you, or for me. You need to stop--" what the boy said to the man after that was slurred. I had suddenly been wrenched backwards. _ /i 

I find myself sitting bolt upright in my bed. I'm shivering violently and sweating. I try to calm the shaking and my harsh breathing. How many times can I have one dream? I've had this dream for years. It's always the same. I never get past "_stop_". I've actually come to see it as true. I can never place faces. All I recall when I wake up are faceless people, but their words will always linger with me. " i _You're hurting them both." /_i I've tried to figure out where this dream came from, but I can never come up with a logical answer. I wish, just once, I could remember a face, or actually see the boy who is trying to do some good.

I was still shaking as I stood up. I had to get my mind on something else. I stood there, rubbing my eyes, trying to get the blurry dream out of my head. It was useless. I needed a distraction, but without having any homework, I was at a loss of what to do. I settled on writing. I grabbed my dressing gown, and pulled on some slippers. Reaching for my school bag from the chair I had laid it in earlier, I grabbed a book and my diary and headed down to the Common Room.

I sat in the first chair I came to. My hands were still shaking, but I put my book a side and flipped through the pages of my diary. I don't write in it often, but in times like these, when I'm just sitting awake, I find it calming to write something down. Instead of writing in it, I find myself reading it, reminiscing on my past. I flip to the very first page. This diary is ancient! The first entry is dated all the way back to my fifth birthday. I want to read the whole diary, drink the memories in like a warming liquid, but I don't get very far. It's later than I thought and other students are slowly making their way down to the Common Room. I head back to my dormitory, hoping that everyone else is still asleep. I was lucky, the runners slept late, so I could change in peace. Once I was ready, I grabbed my bag out of the chair in the Common Room and walked down to the Great Hall for some breakfast.

As I'm finishing up, the Great Hall is finally filled with students and the Heads of Houses are handing out the schedules. When Professor Flitwick gets to me, he has a broad smile on his face.

"Ah, April Connely. What is it you'll be taking this year? You haven't gotten any classes written out!"

"Er…" I stutter, "actually, I have no idea what classes I'll be taking. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Well, sixth years can take whatever the feel like. Does Muggle Studies interest you?"

"No," I reply calmly. "My grandfather was a muggle. I know all there is to know."

"Hmm…I would suggest taking all of the normal classes then. Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic, Potions, Transfiguration and Charms. Do you object to any of those classes?"

"Er…Well, I'm not all that interested in History of Magic, could that be replaced with Care of Magical Creatures?"

Professor Flitwick studies a list of classes for a moment before looking up at me. "There is only on Care of Magical Creatures class left. It's with seventh years. Could you keep up?"

"Yes," I say immediately. Even though it may challenge me, I love magical creatures and I know I could handle a class that is a year before me. ' i _Besides,_ /i ' I tell myself. ' i _I could start over with a new group of people who don't know me. I can be anyone I want to be._ /i '

"It's all set then! Here," mutters Professor Flitwick while tapping a small piece of parchment, "is your schedule." He hands me the parchment and moves on to the next student who needs their schedule to be sorted out.

I glance down at my schedule. I only have Care of Magical Creatures two days a week, and not until Wednesday. Isn't that just my luck?

The day passes rather slowly. Now it's my last class and it seems like the clock is ticking backwards. It's the first Transfiguration class of the year, and McGonagall is doing her best to make her start of term speech as dull as possible. My mind starts to wander, and I don't try very hard to stop it. I'll do anything to escape the droning on about punctuality and the importance of paying attention in her N.E.W.T. level class.

I have my head resting in my right hand, twirling my hair absently with my free left hand. My mind shifts to the dream that I had last night. I think about the boy and the very angry man, but mostly, I think about the small girl who sits on the floor. I can't help but wonder why everything in the dream is so vague to me. The faces are blurred, but everything else is clear. ' i _Because I was crying._ /i '

I'm not sure where this thought came from, but it scares me none-the-less. The realization hits me hard. ' i _The girl is me. I'm the girl who is crying on the floor._ /i ' It's getting hard to breathe. I think I might pass out. I hear the bell ring and I shoot up, ready to sprint out of the room, but when I stand, I stand too quickly. I got really dizzy and had to sit back down. Maybe I i _will_ /i pass out. I try to stand again, this time more slowly, and I'm okay. I gather my things and walk quickly out of the room. There doesn't seem to be enough air inside the school and I make my way down to the grounds. I need to think. I need fresh air, but mostly, I need to cry.

A/N: Thanks to my co-author, AurorGirl101, and my Beta, Hogwartsduchess.


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